So, You Want To Marry A Robot....

I had a conversation the other day with someone I respect and they made an interesting comment about marriage. They were talking about their husband and how right now he is struggling with some health issues. Their husband apologized for not being a very good husband. Before I could even react she said she flatly told her husband that being sick had nothing to do with being a good or bad husband. I got to thinking on this and it stuck. I could not forget it. I thought about all the mixed messages we get about what marriage is. I have begun to think we missed the meaning of marriage and that is the whole reason why we are single. In a word, are we actually able to make and keep those sacred vows to love, honor and cherish, through sickness and health? Even if you do not speak those words or are married in the temple, are they not just as valid, if not even more so because of the covenant entered into between you two and the Lord? I think so.

I began to wonder what a marriage is. I ended up talking to my kids about the nature of “oneness” in a marriage so they can look for the right thing when it is their time. I remember I told them about how the scriptures tell us to become one and that means in mind and purpose like Christ and Heavenly Father are One in those ways. (Let's not debase it by mentioning the physical “oneness” everyone tends to snicker about here.) I asked my kids some questions and one brought up a big discussion. It involved money. YIKES! I told my kids that “oneness” included the bank account. I asked them how you could be one in all ways if you had separate funds. (I did say that some people have situations which require it, but all in all, combined funds unites people.) If you are sooooo scared to pool funds together because of “what might happen”, in my humble opinion, you are not one with your spouse. How can you be? You are keeping the one tool which tangibly unites you like nothing else on this earth. I mean money is the world score card and you are saying that you want your score kept separate from your spouses. I do not consider this a marriage made in heaven.

I also mentioned to my kids how the worlds attitude tended to be along the lines of: If you do not do everything I want you to do perfectly, I am out of here! Now, call me crazy, but that just does not sound like “oneness” to me either. It sounds more like the fair weather friend you cannot rely on when the going gets rough. And this from a spouse, the one you depend on the most? Only a real jerk would have that attitude and think it is okay. Look at the scriptures. They do not say that when it's tough you are off the hook. We only grow when we are tested. Why do we act surprised when hard times come, even in a marriage? What, did you think? They were not human? Would you rather have married a robot who actually did everything you wanted them to do? Think on that for a moment.....

If you married a robot for real, this is just some of what it would be like: At first, it would be blissful. You would get everything you wanted done to you and for you. They would serve you tirelessly. They would not complain because you would not program it into them, thinking that you would only want pleasant conversation. This would last a couple of weeks to months depending on how perceptive you are. Eventually, you would begin to hate them and abuse them. They would become what they are: a machine to you. And because they do not have any sentient thoughts or feelings, you would hate that they looked human but were denying you what you really craved: companionship. The fact that they would do anything you asked or told them to do, would no longer matter. The fact that you grew older and older, while they stayed the same, would matter greatly. If you did not take a hammer to them straight away, but continued on with the charade, you would eventually become bitter or perhaps insane.

The fact is, we thrive on the things that challenge us the most. We grow when we struggle and push and pull against things. It's called exercise. We have to serve others and allow ourselves to be served. I for one just found out that I need to do some exercising of my own in the relationship arena. I need to work out a few of those serving muscles and stretch them and make them stronger. I just found out that I actually like making a man happy by serving him. Wow! Who would have thought that I could be ecstatic seeing someone happy, when it was something I did to bring that joy, and I was not the recipient of it. I was humbled by the one who taught me and hope to do some practicing soon. Maybe this week I will make plans to see what I can do to make them happy and not think about all the things I want for myself. It's a new frontier for me, but I will go where I have never gone before. (Or so it seems.)