Thursday, September 25, 2008

You Wanna Piece Of Me?


I have many roles in my life. Sister, aunt, cousin, niece, grand-daughter, church member, friend, neighbor and mother. As a mother, I have countless sub-roles. A few are: confidant, psychologist, referee, nurse, chafer, director, laundress, instructor, dietitian, maid, gospel doctrine teacher, educator, hall monitor, business manager, sounding board, hair stylist, home decorator, 911 emergency operator, statistician, and wise person on the top of the worlds tallest mountain who has the answer to every question in the form of another thought provoking question.

I fulfill my roles with great joy and happiness because they are fun and exciting and I get satisfaction from doing a good job. This is something women just seem to be able to do, juggling the needs of those around them. Most of us do it naturally and are pretty good at it too.

When I look around at the women who are doing much the same as I, I sometimes see something is different. I look at them and I see a complete WOMAN. Whereas I do not feel like that is a title I carry. I have pondered on this for many weeks and have realized something. Only in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom are we able to create worlds and have children. Otherwise we are sexless. That is how I feel now: sexless. I am not speaking only of the act itself, but in every aspect of it. I do not do on right now. I do not grow and progress as I otherwise would if I was married. In essence, I am damned; stopped in my tracks.

I can further my education, secure a good financial future, and raise my children in righteousness. I see that as dusting a spotless house because the guests have not arrived yet and there's nothing for you to do but wait. Marking time as it passes. Every second, every minute, gone forever. Sure, even if they come late you can still have fun, but not as much if they had been earlier.

Maybe I am one of the few who actually admits out loud that my main desire is to find a good man I can love and get married to. If I happen to admit it to another single man, they might freak out and run. Or think just anyone will do for me then. Both are misinterpreting what I am saying. I only admitted that when I date I am looking ahead to serious things and asking if this person can take up a permanent place in my life. I am not using a book or a long list of requirements, nor am I focusing on only that. What I am saying is that when I look, I am looking for a mate, not another “friend”.

I just realized I was getting off the topic. Oops.

Back to my womanhood. I believe that the scripture that talks about the man without the woman and the woman without the man is literal. I am an incomplete woman without “him.” I am incomplete because two cannot become one without the original two. I cannot unlock the door to the Celestial Kingdom without “him.” I cannot fulfill all of my roles in life without “him.” This is not such a bad thing. I have said nothing about my own worth here. I am talking literal. I am stopped somewhere in the middle of my goals if I go solo to the Celestial Kingdom. I need a “him” to go all the way to the top. “He” holds that part of me. He brings it with him to the relationship. He brings my highest abilities in womanhood to me. I can have them in no other way.

If you want to argue with me, fine. But first, I challenge you to go watch couples who are in love, and who respect each other. Look at their faces. Compare them to any single who is NOT in any kind of romantic relationship. See if I am not right. You see, while he brings my highest womanhood, I bring his highest manhood. It goes both ways. I carry within me the piece that can make him more than he could ever be alone. So, I say, “Who wants this piece of ME?” Who wants what I offer?

Going once......

Going twice......

Thursday, September 18, 2008

"Why Do You Guys Keep Talking About a Program?"

Good question. Why do we keep talking about the same thing, after all? Well, my answer is that the LDS Singles Program is a necessary entity for LDS singles to get married. In other words, it has a funtion. Suppose the previous statement is wrong, and we really don't need the Singles Program. Do we then also not need any other program (or meeting) in the Church but Sacrament Meeting...since that is where the sacrement is passed and is considered the center of our religion?

We all know better. I mean, don't all of the programs in the Church about fill a certain actual need? Let's list some: Relief Society, Priesthood, Choir, Sunday School, Gospel Doctrine, Gospel Essentials, Young Men/Women, Young Single Adults, Scouts, Compassionate Service, Home Teaching, Visiting Teaching, Missionary Work, FHE, Firesides, Basketball, Daddy-Daughter Camp-outs...I know that there are more, at least on paper.

Do these organizations, classes, and callings exist because we don't really need them? Or do they fill a necessary niche that was discovered long ago and has continued to serve us in some real capacity? Why is it that whenever a group of people begin to complain about the Single Adult Program, eventually somebody says, "Well, it's not the Church's responsibility to get you married." (Who said it was?) Or they say, "You could always go start your own program." Something to that effect. I ask you, would that ever be said of the Scouting Program, or Relief Society?

Then there are those that will tell you that the Singles Program is not a dating service. My response is then to ask them "Then what is it?" I find it very interesting how singles in the Program talk of how we can get members of the opposite sex together, blah, blah... "but it is NOT a dating service." To me this is like saying that Sunday School is NOT a class. Or Relief Society is NOT a women's organization. Choir is NOT about the music.

The next question may be why the Singles Program is not seen as what it assuredly is and was designed to be: a dating service. Is it because of its bad track record? Or is it that some of us have forgotten that we are really trying to find a spouse and not just another collection of friends (nothing against friendship. I am a big supporter of it. Love that friendship.)

Or is because it has become the latest example of "The Emperor's New Clothes?"



In any case, we know we have a long way to go when people who bring up the many disfunctions of the Singles Program get smacked on the hand for it. (But mind you, if we ever did get it fixed those same hand smackers would be the same folks who would then say, "Oh yeah, we've always known that there was a problem. It's about time that program was fixed!") Such is the way of the world sometimes. But as for you singles on the side-lines who do have a problem with your fellow singles who are trying to make the Program better; you should ask yourself whose side are you on, and why do you insist upon working against your own self-interest? Think about it. While you are at it, you might spend a few moments considering what a functional program would look like, and why Singles should (along with the other many responsibilities in their lives) be forced to add the arduous job of forming their own personal "program" (in addition to the official Singles Program) in order to get married in this lifetime. Should they build another Home/Visiting Teaching Organization while they are are at it? Missionary work?
One more thought. Is it the Church's responsibility to get us married? No. But it is the same organization that informs us that in order to get to Heaven we must live a high code of ethics and morals. Married or not. All things being equal, it is a good thing that the Singles Program exists if only to help singles live up to their covenants and testimonies.


Thus on to fixing the program. And to eternal progression. "The honest and faithful will go."

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Time, in Its Subtle Forms



I rarely get bored these days. Call it just one more asset to getting older...you get to know yourself better as you get practice getting to know yourself better.
Yes, this is just one more repetitive blog about the Singles Program of the Church. Just one more little blurb about how bad it is. Just one more time waster, maybe.

But that's what happens with time, right? Time itself can be a time waster depending upon how it is spent. Sometimes the things that get done and experienced are just things that were around to get done and experienced. Every moment, day, holiday, year and decade that we are alone is just what it is. It can be good, but alone nontheless. It is that sad and that important...just as it is that unsad and unimportant. How is it for you?

Maybe it is all in how you look at it...until your time is up, or even half-up. Hence, the mid-life crisis.

I think it is all a question of priorities. What are they? Where are they? How much do we really want to see things change? Is it about as much as we want to take a good look at the things that we do in order to make up for the fact that we are alone? Stamp collectioning? ESPN? Scrapbooking? The list is personal, and goes on.


Am I asking each of you who read this to go to your Singles , Ward, Stake and Regional Leaders and ask them for help with the Singles Program? You bet I am.

Am I asking you to start your own (functional) parties at your own homes in order to get people out so you can meet them? You bet I am.

Am I asking you to evaluate what you are really doing with your spare time in terms of what you really, really want in life? Am I asking us all to somehow form a team of caring singles who are determined to get the things we want and needin our own respective regions? Maybe even a support group? You bet I am.

To stop apologizing with platitudes for the way things are? To think bigger and act bigger. Yes! You bet I am.

With all due respect, try not to live up to my expectations....




The Little Red Hen




“Who will help me plant these seeds of love?” said the little red hen.
“Not I!” said the lawyer, too busy and proud to look past the end of his nose.
“Not I!” said the baker, too busy making bread to see what was really valuable in life.
“Not I!” said the beggar, too ashamed of himself to even try.

“Who will help me dung and prune and water my seeds?” said the little red hen.
“Not I!” said the lawyer, too busy with a brief to get his hands dirty.
“Not I!” said the baker, too busy waiting for his bread to rise to do anything else.
“Not I!” said the beggar, too busy seeing his own pain that he could not serve.




“Who will help me harvest my love, now that it has grown? said the little red hen.
“Not I!” said the lawyer, too busy in court, basking in praise.
“Not I!” said the baker, too busy putting his bread in the oven, salivating at the thought of the tasty bread he was making.
“Not I!” said the beggar, too busy moping and feeling sorry for himself.



“Who will help me prepare my love for the feast?” said the little red hen.
“Not I!” said the lawyer, vacationing and basking in the fruits of his labors.
“Not I!” said the baker, taking his bread out of the oven, smelling the aroma of it.
“Not I!” said the beggar, too angry to do anything but complain.

“Who will come and partake of the feast I have prepared out of my love?” said the little red hen.
“I WILL!” said the lawyer, jumping hurdles to get there as fast as he can.
“I WILL!” said the baker, leaving his own bread behind in his eagerness to eat what others have prepared.
And the beggar was too full of hatred to even hear.

The little red hen is a story most often used to get children to be more helpful in doing chores and to show them how much work it takes to actually get something desirable. Too often we take things for granted, only wanting to arrive when the end result, the “good stuff” is on the table. Look at our society and look at how many people, male and female, married and non-married, have the attitude that if someone or something is less than perfect, throw it away because we can go find something better. I see all too often how if someone has certain flaws, “it's a show-stopper.” We forget that we are each a work in progress, a “diamond in the rough” who needs love, nurturing, encouragement and much forgiveness.

Each time I look in the mirror my reflection is there to look at. I do not see what I am most of the time, but the flaws which have been deemed as undesirable, and my heart interprets this to mean I am undesirable. With this throw away attitude, we deny the gospel and what it teaches. With our “okay you are perfect, now change” attitudes, we strangle and suffocate the very love we are hoping to grow. When we look at someone and forget to look underneath the surface, we are passing up the best part.

We went on a trip the other day as a family. We took a long drive. It was winding through the mountains and it was quite beautiful. When we arrived at our destination, my son looked at me shortly after and told me he finally understood that it was the journey that mattered and not the destination. You see, at the “top” it was busy, too many people and it was commercialized. We had just spent two hours in the car, stopping at the breathtaking views and pondered the majesty of Gods creation and ended up at the equivalent of a mall. It was more than a letdown. I felt violated. I could not get away fast enough. Then the beauty could come back into my life.


I think we all need to put more effort into our relationships and be more understanding of how painful life is for each of us. I know in my story it is the little red hen who is offering love and the men are denying it, but it could be as easily written from the other point of view. Often men offer their love and find it is scorned. Often men overlook flaws in a woman and it is seen as weakness when it is a strength; kindness is mocked and put down. As often as not, both men and women have to be something they would not naturally be. We judge each other ruthlessly. We are too hard on each other as a sex, and it goes both ways. We use hammers and pickaxes on each others hearts when pillows and soft gloves are what is necessary. The battle of the sexes was created by the devil and yet we are certain our anger and vehemently shouted abuses are justified. Yet, Christ paid for all those sins. It is just pride which keeps us from letting go and getting off our soap boxes and admitting we were wrong.

I do so now. I have hated men for most of my life. But I have been looking at things differently lately and I find they are now becoming sweet to me. So dear and precious that I am humbled when they are kind and helpful. I am grateful for all they do and put up with in this world and the labors they must perform. I am thankful I had such a loving father who raised me the best he knew how and I know if he had known the pain he caused me he would have wanted to die because he loved me too much to have done it on purpose. I forgive him and I forgive those who have hurt me in the past. I hope all those who have ever felt the lash of my tongue will be as generous and forgiving.

We all want to plant something beautiful and have it matter to someone. We all have tender spirits who feel every unkind thing done or said. Our spirits feel every sin we commit and every lie we tell takes us further from God. I often tell my kids that you will not surprise Heavenly Father with anything you say or do. First, He's probably heard it before, and second, He already knows. Put the sword down. Put the gauntlet down. Let the battle of the sexes end.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Official Middle Singles Theme-Song



No One is to Blame-

Howard Jones


You can look at the menu but you just can't eat
You can feel the cushions but you can't have a seat
You can dip your foot in the pool but you can't have a swim
You can feel the punishment but you can't commit the sin
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
You can build a mansion but you just can't live in it
You're the fastest runner but you're not allowed to win
Some break the rules
And live to count the cost
The insecurity is the thing that won't get lost
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
You can see the summit but you can't reach it
It's the last piece of the puzzle but you just can't make it fit
Doctor says you're cured but you still feel the pain
Aspirations in the clouds but your hopes go down the drain
And you want her and she wants you
We want everyone
And you want her and she wants you
No one, no one, no one ever is to blame
No one ever is to blame

No one ever is to blame.





And that's all I have to say about that, because

Ho Jo has already said it all. No?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Tourniquet

One day my son came home from school and told me about a situation he did not know how to handle. There was a kid who was mocked and made fun of at school by others. It was not your regular bullying situation: it was the kid who was being mocked who would have fit the bullying personality. This kid went to church every Sunday, as did the other kids who made fun of him. This kid went to seminary every morning, as did the other kids who made fun of him. This bothered my son. He was new to the ward and did not know all the history and was looking only at the behavior from an unbiased point of view.

We talked about what was the “right” thing to do and we prayed about it. He tried to address the kids who were putting down the other kid and they justified it with excuses. They said they had “tried” to be nice, but he was still a jerk, so they gave up. My son was at a loss for words, so he said nothing. When he came home, he told me about it and I explained a simple truth to him.


I said when you put a tourniquet on your arm, you cut off the blood flow. When you remove the tourniquet and blood rushes to the part of your arm previously denied life giving blood, it HURTS! We all know how bad it feels to have a leg or arm go “asleep” and then “wake up.” It is painful sometimes, especially if it has been some time without blood flow.

Taking this phenomena of pain occurring when blood is restored, I likened it to the pain we must feel when love is restored to a place it had been denied. I explained to my son that when you have been beaten down, ridiculed, made out as the butt of jokes, told how worthless you are, demeaned, and uncared about, you cut the flow off to certain parts of your emotional being in order to stem the bleeding; to stop the pain. When kindness is restored, when sweetness comes, it is like the tourniquet being removed and greater pain comes because of the restoration of life giving hope. And it does hurt. When you try to uplift someone who is so beaten down with negativity, they lash out at you. They want the greater pain to stop. They are not rational enough to know what is going on; they only feel the pain. The pain overwhelms them and is top priority. The brain is saying: “Do whatever it takes to stop this!” And we do. We lash out in our pain, (hurting those who seem to be causing this great pain in our hearts with their kindness), with our own rudeness, our sneers, and our anger. We are afraid that the pain will not stop.

My son decided to tell the kids about the tourniquet on our emotions and they scoffed at it and dismissed it. So, he decided to give it a try himself. He said he started to stand up for this gruff boy who looked for ways to unnerve people. He told him how good he was and complimented him. And then he saw the truth of the tourniquet. Suddenly my son was getting put down, he was being attacked by this “bully”. He confessed to me a few weeks later that it was very hard to like this kid at all anymore because of the effectiveness of his attacks. He knew and understood the theory and even knew what was happening, but it did not change the outcome. He stopped standing up for someone who did not appreciate it, and everything went back to the way it was. Sort of. He did not really like hanging out with any of the kids much after that and withdrew from them all. They lost out and so did he. I do not fault him for doing so, he is in high school and it is tough enough without taking on someones emotional hurts and trying to heal them in one semester. But he learned a great lesson, and so did I.

When it comes to our interpersonal relationships, those with our friends, neighbors, or fellow church members, I have noticed that we all have painful situations which we usually do not like to talk about. Or if we do talk about it, we do so in an inappropriate manner such as with our friends where we do nothing more than complain and minimize our own wrong doing. We all like to avoid the truth which is very ugly and painful sometimes. We all like to make our lives appear like sitcoms or billboard ads. Nothing makes us more miserable than this, yet we continue in earnest. We suffer because we are not like so and so. We are depressed because we are not rich or glamorous. We constantly compare ourselves to others and wonder why we are so miserable. The grass is all ways greener no matter which side you stand on. There are so many simple sayings about blooming where you are planted and making lemonade out of lemons, yet we shrug them off as stupid or trite when it is the pseudo lives we follow in the media which are stupid and trite.

There are people who need us. They live with us, next to us, and all around us. We have the opportunity today, this very minute, to make a difference in their lives. An appropriate difference which will bring about more good in their lives than anything else. It's like the adage: give a man a fish and he eats for a day, teach him to fish and he eats for life. If you give some one a sincere compliment, you feed his soul today. If you teach a person to like themselves, they are strong enough to pass the lesson on to others. Someone gave you the blessings you have. Someone praised you, helped you, nurtured you. It was hard work for them and they had to put up with your bad attitude and your snottiness. Can you not pass on the goodness to another? Can you not bless others as you have been so richly blessed? If you think you are the one who has a tourniquet on their arm, you know what to do: be aware and heal. Yes, I do know how hard it is to do. I did it myself. I had to believe in someone: myself. More than ever before. I had to decide I was worth something. I had to put faith in my Lord and myself and value who I was. I had to curb my temper when the pain started. I was not always successful. And I had to get up each time I fell and do it all over again, even when it was not easy or fair.

There is a wealth of information out there just at our fingertips. The Holy Ghost will guide and direct our efforts for good. We will not fail if we are on the right team. That is the good news of the gospel. Prayer is a powerful tool we have been given and we can use it to do great good in this world. We all know the proper things to do. We do not admit to the less than pleasant parts about how we have to be around people who may swear or speak inappropriately, participate in habits which we know are wrong, or who lack the strength of testimony we enjoy. Boohoo. I do not feel very bad for you if you are whining and complaining. I have to get up everyday just like you do. I have to deal with unpleasant situations and people just like you do. I have to pour my heart and soul out day after day to someone who needs me whether it's my kids, a friend or a stranger who crosses my path. I do it so I can kneel by my bed at night and tell the Lord I did my very best today again. And pray I can do it all over again tomorrow.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

The Silent Questions In Our Heads

There is a dance tonight. The question on every singles mind is “Do I stay or do I go?” I want to know the answer to that question. I have to know first why I would go though? Why would I subject myself to this judgment, why would I subject myself to this disappointment? Why would I want to go, listen to some dumb music because “We must cater to all groups here” and eat fattening food and look at people faking it? Why would I do this to myself? I do not even live close to this dance. I have to carpool and spend money on the gas to get there.

If I go, what are my expectations? What do I want to achieve from such a night of socializing? Do I expect a date? Do I expect someone to ask for my phone number? Is it too forward to give out my number to someone who has not asked for it? Would I sit by the phone just as I would if they asked for it, or would I be able to let go of any hope in that case? Would I be able to go and not have any expectations at all?

Where will I find myself at the dance and afterwards? Will I sit at a table or along the wall? Will I go dance even if I have to do so alone? Will I take a walk outside in the night air because I am so sorry I came? Where will I put my hands if I am talking to someone and I am nervous? Where will I look if I am talking to someone I am not interested in and not sure how to let them know? Where will I be next week, next month, next year and does this dance have the ability to change the answers to those questions?

When will I stop worrying about the dances? When will I stop analyzing dances and the games people play in the dating game? When will I be someone who stops going all together and becomes the single old lady in the ward permanently? When will I meet someone who I fancy, who fancies me, and we get married? When will my Prince Charming come and I ride off into the sunset? When do I find myself alone in the house because my kids are all grown up and moved out and I wonder if I have any purpose in life? When will I say I have had enough and leave all together, forsaking my covenants? It has happened to many, why would I be immune?

Who will I see if I go? It has been so long since I went, would I recognize any one? Who will still be there from years ago and what on earth could be worse than seeing them and them seeing me, years after we first met, knowing we are both still single? Who will ask me to dance? Who will catch my eye? Who will be younger than me and who will be older? Who will scare me and who will delight me? Who will talk to me and will I be comfortable talking with them?

And the ultimate question on every ones mind is what will I wear!! I have to look good because I am tried, judged and condemned in the blink of an eye so I have to be perfect. Every strand of hair in place. Makeup must be flawless. My clothes must be top fashion and my shoes without smudge. I must have the looks of a model or I am not worth much. I am scanned and passed by for another. Or maybe no one, but I am passed by, as if I do not matter because I have a body that has begun it's slow decent towards the grave. I know this because I do it too. I judge people automatically, without even being aware of it. I have been trained by society to do this, as have everyone else over the age of like, a minute.

I have fears, hopes, dreams, failings, worries, funny stories to tell, gifts I am supposed to share with people, and a need to be loved. Am I really all that different than you? Yes, in many ways we are different because we were made that way. One of the most amazing things about life is how similar yet completely different we are from each other. It brings us closer and at the same time keeps things interesting. I like me. I think I am a wonderful woman with a great sense of humor, a strong character and a dazzling smile. What is not to love about me that is not equal in everyone else?

Actually, the most important question we could be asking ourselves is why are we, children of a loving Heavenly Father, so very hard on each other when what we are learning from the gospel is how important charity is. Without it we are nothing. Hum. Something to think about. The most important attribute someone can have is charity. Everything else is worthless in comparison. Well, I for one am going to go out and get me as much charity as possible so that someone who values me will certainly get a large serving of it.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Short, Sharp Lessons in Preparing for Love


I had this relationship a few years ago that was life changing. First of all, we were friends for a while before I even realized that we were falling into something deeper. (I was not even initially attracted to her. That changed.) Second, I learned some not-so-obvious things about what people should expect from each other in a relationship.

What am I saying here? I guess I am ready to admit to myself and the world that there is only so much you can do to prepare for marriage. No matter how prepared you may think you are, there will always be little (or big) issues that can only be solved through the act of being in a relationship. We are all to a greater or lesser extend blind-sighted to some of our most invisible flaws, insecurities, and issues when we are single and not in a long-term relationship for a significant amount of time. Is this not so? I can tell you that in my experience it is. I and this wonderful woman I nearly married had what can be termed "incompatible issues." Her insecurities and mine did not function so well together, eventually. Could they have worked themselves out? I believe so. She did not, I suppose. But we loved each other a great deal and it was a great relationship. Drama free? No. But the love was unsurpassed in my world...and she suggested that the relationship was, in several crucial ways, just as fabulous for her. But then there were those other things that made us both scared, impatient, and bewildered. You know, those little misunderstandings on an otherwise perfect day together. Or those big things that kept us almost at an end for weeks...until love and gravity brought us together again for while.

But having overcome the demise of this particular relationship that changed my life, I am left to thank God for it, and to hopefully learn something about myself and how I can become more compatible with love in general. After all, when you have lived more of your life alone, there is always much to learn about one's self, and (again) about love.

If there is any real point to this post it is that I hope that I am able to be patient, hopeful, and kind to whomever I find myself loved by and loving in the future. I hope I remember that, as everyone, we are both injured people doing our best with what we have; that this is a human thing more than an individual thing.

I believe this is a problem for Single Mormons, particularly because we are so concerned with perfection in ourselves...and others. We sometimes forget that the Saviour and Heavenly Father are the the only souls who have a monopoly on perfection. We also forget that, just as we have to learn how to learn our native language, we must also learn the language of love...sometimes again and again...through pain, sorrow, resentment, and anger. I wonder how many of us lose out for years on love just because the one we "once loved" was imperfect in some communicatory way regarding love and loving. So sad for both. Indeed it is so hard to have faith that, in time, love itself will cure many of these fears and foibles. (This is why I believe in long courting...and short engagements.)

I hope we all can find what we are looking for and whom we are looking for. I hope we recognize love for what it is. And when it steps in, with all of its hopeful, fractured majesty, embrace it without hesitation. Completely.

Monday, September 1, 2008

His Loving Arms


I wonder how often The Lord wins by default? How often is He the only thing left? When I was young and in junior high, we rated the guys around us. The lowest rating you could get something like this: “Like, NEVER! Not even if he was the last man on earth!” Not much chance with those odds, are there?

Sometimes, when there has been so much rejection in your life, The Lord seems to be all that is left. To a single brother or sister, “His arm is stretched out still.” has special meaning. The gospel teaches us about The Lords love for us and often offers hope. After many years of rejection by the opposite sex and the seemingly lack of concern by members, there seems to be little left for you but Him. And only Him.

As mortal beings, we have an innate ability to love others. We inherited this from our Heavenly Father and while we are on our sojourn here on earth we wish to develop this love to it's earthly capacity. For too many singles their love is never shared. It never brings forth fruit and it withers and seemingly dies. It is buried so deep it appears to not be there. It has never developed naturally so it stands out as odd because it is. The same way a grown man would look odd if he kept the arms of a baby boy, that same man looks odd to our emotional senses because he has not developed the way nature intended. His growth has literally been stunted. I have never seen a man, fully grown except for little boy arms but I have met men who have not learned how to love a woman.


In the medical arena doctors would study the causes of such an aberration as stunted growth arms. They would run diagnostic tests, take blood samples, delve into the newly opened land of DNA,
and they would have asked for grants, donations and the power to do research because no one deserved the stigma that came form such a physical deformity. They would do this because over one third of the population suffered from this abnormality and it had become an epidemic. (Kind of like being single in the church.) Money for donations would pour in from moved and concerned people. (Mostly concerned that it does not happen to them...)
But hey, money is money and it makes the world go around. Who cares anyway? Right? As long as we find a cure!


Such an obvious abnormality could not be ignored. It would never have been allowed to become so bad in the first place. At the first sign of trouble efforts would have been made to redirect the way things were going in an attempt to protect innocent children from having to grow up into this horrible creature. This monster. And it would be horrible. Imagine half the men you know walking around with the arms of a T-Rex!! He could not cover his mouth when he coughed, scratch his own chin or pick his nose. He would need someone else to do these simple things for him.

There are people masquerading as normal, healthy human beings out there, but they have short arms you cannot see. They never stretched them by working them and teaching them to trust, going so far out there and not being hurt. You see, they were hurt time and time again. They reached for something they wanted and got their hand slapped over and over, until they withdrew their hands and stopped reaching. And their ability to reach was stunted. They did not stop growing because of some natural disorder, but an unnatural one. One caused from toxicity. The poison from rejection. The abuses in their life brought about this emotional deformity. And it is obvious! But no doctor wishes to base his career hopes and dreams on finding a cure for such a malady. No one would establish charity drives or telethons to raise money for research into such a one as he. Ignored, his aberration is made worse, the underdevelopment undergoes mutation, and no longer is he someone you pity or show sorrow towards, rather now you scorn and ridicule. And it is completely socially acceptable to pass such shallow judgment on him. I wish I could tell you it was as simple as an issue of pride, ignorance or even fear. But the problem is as wide and varied as each snowflake that falls from the sky: Unique.

In the end, after sympathizing with the hunchback of Notre Dame, our emotionally mutated man has no recourse but to choose God or nothing as no one will love him. So God wins by default?
It is very tempting to judge and say that such a man would not have chosen God otherwise, therefore The Lord gave him these challenges in order to secure him a place in heaven. What a cop out that is. The truth lies in the very people who rejected him. “When saw we thee an hungered and fed thee naught? When saw we thee naked and clothed thee naught?” I tell you, by ignoring this mans pain and suffering, you have won no brownie points in heaven. The Lord won. But we always knew He would. He won the moment He broke the bands of death and pain and hell. He does not have to lay traps to catch and ensnare us. The idea that His loving arms are reaching out to us still is sometimes enough to make us simply run into them.