Love

I love men. I love them when they are trying to be macho and slip and fall, then get up and act like it was meant to turn out that way. I love how they come up when you are struggling with fixing something and get involved, the pipes break, and water spews everywhere and it's all much worse now. I love how they laugh and slap each other on the back very hard, then do it again harder like it's now a contest to see who can hit the hardest.
I love how they will not ask for directions because they just cannot be wrong in front of a woman. I love how they open the door for you, even though you are completely capable of opening it yourself. I love how excited they get when they find out they are going to be a daddy, hiding the tears in their eyes because they have such profound love deep inside it just squeezes out. I love how they pay for dinner and buy flowers and chocolates, then silently pray you will not eat them because they really want you to stay skinny. I love how they lay around on Saturday, watching sports on tv, yelling at their team and cheering like this is a life altering event. I love how they kiss, how they hold me tight and make me feel safe.

I love watching men work.
They are focused, determined and quite efficient sometimes. I like watching a group of men work. It's all that above times ten. I love listening to them keep the distance from each other, yet knowing the score and when to step in and do something. I love it when they hurt and stand stoically by as someone else gets to cry. I love how they do not wish to disappoint people and silently take a beating because someone is depending on them. I love how they have big strong arms that can move large objects around again, and again, and again, until it is just right, never complaining because it will make you happy. I love how they will get angry and then not know how to say sorry because they love you too much and they wonder why on earth you are still there with them.

I love men who dig in the dirt, who are computer geeks, and owners of companies.
They are God's in training. They are about the be in charge of creating worlds and making sure everything runs smoothly and on time, without any kind of dress rehearsal available. I imagine a potential God, putting his head together with some buddies, shuffling through pages and pages of diagrams, ideas, and models, trying to come up with the perfect plan on how to do this. I can see them, finally, getting things going and the half-hugs as things work out right, and the cheers and words of congratulations. I can imagine how gratifying it will be for them to be in that moment.

And then I see his wife walking up, interrupting the moment. Suddenly no one else matters but her.
She is his life. His purpose. His everything. She is why he works so hard to make things so perfect. She is why he struggles and thinks so hard about what he needs to do. She is his ultimate goal and meaning in life. When she looks out over his new creation, he needs her approval. He needs her joy and appreciation. He needs her to say, “Well done.” Nothing any guy could say will ever compare to those simple words from his eternal companion. If she complains, points out imperfections, or lists the things not yet done, she has broken something deep inside of him which is most tender. And now all joy is gone for him.

There is no shame in seeing what is good in another person. I for one and grateful to the men in my life who do so much for me. It is probably imperfect, but so is my cooking and cleaning sometimes. My dear fellows, I love you, I admire you, I respect you. You should stand up and take a bow. You deserve a standing ovation for your labors. I truly love men. And it makes me a greater woman to be able to admit it.

Emotional Oxymoron

Love is not something you take. You give it. Love is not something you seek. You find it. Love is not something you can live without. You will die.

Ever noticed how when someone is not being loved they kind of lose it. It's in many movies. I just watched one where a boy is on a team and his father is the coach. But the father favors another player over his son. The next thing you know, this son is destroying everyone around him. It's because he seeks his fathers love, but cannot make his father love him. It's crazy how that works.

In any relationship when you want someone to love you, and they do not, you act in a manner you would not naturally. I recently read that if someone commits suicide it is because they have lost all hope and see no other way out of whatever they are struggling with. Made sense to me. I have had those thoughts from time to time, as I am sure many of you have too. I think it is a natural thing to think, kind of like the idea that this life is really just someone having a dream or something like that. It is just a coping thing we do I think.

So, when we are starving for love, we act weird. Let's face it. But when we are around someone starving, we do not feed them because they are embarassing. You know what I mean. Ever paid attention to someone you were just trying to be nice to for a minute and then they would not let you go until you had to be mean? Well, there is a reason for that. They are ravenous and crazy with it. Somehow, somewhere, they were cut off from a steady supply of love and they are emaciated from it emotionally. It is an ugly sight to see and we tend to run from it because it scares us.

The Mormon Middle Singles Program is full of these people. They have dark circles under their eyes. Dead eyes look out over those dark circles, right above fake smiles. The "Program" keeps feeding them cardboard paper cutout pictures of love with air to drink. Cottonballs are the ice cream dessert. This is neither fulfilling nor is it healthy. Many people will defend the "Program" and I feel sorry for them because they have eaten so much cardboard they think it is manna from heaven because it comes from "above".

Wake up. Smell the coffee, the roses, or the crap on the bottom of your shoe, but wake up. It's Fall and the Holidays are here. You are alone or probably in some pseudo relationship being torn apart by so many things going against you the only chance you have is if we go back to arranged marriages. I recall all my past romances and there was something missing from each and every one of them: ME! I was not involved because I had the wrong idea about what I wanted and how I was supposed to feel and what I was supposed to do. Stop getting advice from people who are clueless or worldly. Get it from the best place. All good things come from the Lord, so ask Him. Then get out of the way when needed or get down and dirty to bring your own happiness to pass.

We each have our agency. We are told that the only thing we have to give the Lord is our will. Well, the only thing we have to give each other is our love. It is a gift. From me to you. From you to me. Sometimes it is above and beyond anything else in life and it brings such joy you hang onto it for an eternity or longer. Do not belittle what the Lord created by stuffing it in a box and trying to make it look like what someone else has. That is denying what is unique about yourself and the other person in your relationship.

Why am I giving advice? Because I am tired of all the soap opera drama that goes on in the Middle Singles Program. I am tired of watching people flinch from anything real because they do not know what real is. Real is something that stays with you for longer than a moment. Real is something that you talk about for years. Real is reliving it and wanting to go back to it. A real activity would have interraction and laughter. A hike on a Saturday morning would do. A co-ed flag football game would do. I want something other than a recycled dance and firesides which do not help me in any other way than to expound my spiritual knowledge of the gospel. I have had enough of that. I want to be alive at a Middle Singles Activity, not feel like a robot. The dance has become the "Johnny One Note" because it's the only thing going. A game night at some one's house with 20 people would be more alive and real than 5,000 dances.

I am tired of watching the Lord's elect be deceived by the adversary and not even know it. Fight back. Remember, we are on the winning team. Act like it.

The Wall

I saw the wall he had built around himself to keep the pain out. I saw how high it was and how thick. It had been built over a lifetime from the pain of rejection and sorrow that comes from living. I saw how beautiful it was. The masonry was perfect. It's seams flawless. No hand holds, no way to grip it and climb over easily. It had to be torn down to get through.

So I tried. I bloodied myself as I beat against it. I was strong. I knew his pain so I persevered. I bashed myself against it, taking each beating in stride as I watched cracks appear every now and then. I ignored the pain in my shoulders, my back and the blood on my hands. I tore at it, I ripped at the stones as they slowly came loose.

I wondered if I had enough strength in me to do this task. I worried that I was not good enough to win his love. I knew he needed me. I knew he needed someone to just love him enough so he could be free of the wall he had built around himself. I knew he needed someone to rescue him from his despair. So I clawed at the wall before me.

I had seen his beauty. I had seen his goodness. I wanted to set it free so he could soar high and live freely. I needed to do this thing because that is what we do; we help others in need. I was trying to help those who were less fortunate than I was. I was trying to do the impossible. And I was amazed with each piece of the wall that came down. It was so large. Larger than I ever believed. Thicker than I ever thought possible.

But I kept at it. I kept digging and pulling and shredding until, finally, I realized the wall was not his, but mine.

Just a Reminder

In my part of the world, in my region, we seem to have a bit of a problem that I truly feel I should share with you. Supposedly many of the single women in our region like to get together and talk about the men, as well as some of the other women. They like to talk alot, it appears. Sometimes it is jealously, other times is seems to be just "something to talk about."

Many of the local men have figured it out and are afraid to date these women for fear of being talked about. It is not a ridiculous fear. Let's face it. Most relationships do not end in marriage, but they often end with both parties knowing very personal


information about each other. And who wants to risk getting their personal lives plastered to the wall, as it were?

There may be men who are partially responsible for this as well, but is appears to primarily be a female activity. There are even men who have expressed the fact that they no longer want to date Mormon women for this reason. Can you blame them?

This dynamic seems to happen so often in large groups that it may appear to be acceptable and normal for Single Mormons to do the same. And even if it is unacceptable, it may appear inevitable and that there is nothing that can be done about it... so it therefore becomes acceptable on those terms. If so, then I ask you: Are entire generations of people who do not get married is also acceptable? Can we as adults in the Church of Jesus Christ afford to be so willfully ignorant as to let ourselves believe that this behavior is acceptable or inevitable? I think not. Instead, let us keep as secret by keeping a secret (not by telling one person while telling them that it is a secret.) Let us realize that everyone has baggage, just by the virtue of living, and that married people are just as prone to having problems as singles are (except that they often can keep their problems and personal weaknesses under wraps.) Let us be Christlike in this aspect and give everyone, including ourselves, a running chance at finding happiness in this lifetime.

I mean really, after all the trials we all experience in this life, do we really need this issue to add to it? Until we fix this problem, we all are at risk, and no one is safe. And it is not the office that knows too much about us, or the extended family. It's the region, as in potentially all the singles in the city that you live. So, is it a problem, or is it a problem? I assure you that is indeed a problem. Your's, mine, everyone's.

It's All About the Fun and Laughter

Don't let them tell you different.

Fun and laughter. That's what I am talking about. Genuine fun. Genuine laughter. The kind of fun that gets you to laughing, alot...along with someone else. Isn't this the stuff that makes people, dare I say, sexy... to themselves and others? Isn't this the atmosphere that gets phone numbers exchanged in the hopes of a similar evening the the near future?

I assure you, this is what the LDS Singles need like their next breath of air. This is why game nights in people's homes with small groups of less than 30 people really works. Not dances. Not game nights in a gym with the entire region. Not firesides. Not conferences. Just a simple activity that has worked for us our whole lives. Just relaxed, genuine fun and laughter that allows you and me to be ourselves.

I guess there is something about unfaked fun and real laughter that just sends the fear in the dating process out the window, and let's you be you, and me be me. Along with the rest of us.

Can you have fun without laughter, or the other way around? Sure. But when people get together, if given the chance to create fun, can give and receive both fun and laughter. And it's so great when it happens. Everyone remembers it. Everyone wishes for more in the future. The fact is, we yearn for it. It is quite possibly the main thing that is missing in the lives of singles today. No? (Again, I am not talking about cynical fun and laughter at some one's genuine expense. Rather, I am discussing the genuine childlike fun and laughter that just strikes up during an evening of having a truly good time.)

The games. You know them. Balderdash, Pictionary, Cranium, Scatagories, Exquisite Corpse, Trivial Pursuit. Even Twister. There are others. Isn't it time we figure out that in the pursuit of finding a good Singles activity, games can truly be our friends? And while we are discussing which activities work, why are dances the standard for Church activities? Isn't it time to give game nights their due, and just give them a chance?

Maybe you think that we the writers of this weblog harp on dances too much, while touting game nights as some Singles program panacea. If so, I only have one question for you: How are those dances working out for you? All I can say is, don't knock game-nights until you have tried them. And don't invite 50 or more people! Invite 20 or 30. It's the difference between a party and a crowd.

Monotony X Tedium ÷ Apathy = FUN!

This is a true story told to me by a friend. The names have been changed to protect the stupid.

My friend went to a party recently. Guess what? Right! It was a Middle Singles Program Party. (Keep reading, it gets better.) This party was touted as being a GREAT EVENT! Tons of fun! Come join and bring a friend! Well, you get the picture. (I bet you've listened to the recording before.) So, my friend went to this wonderful event. And came home depressed. Let down. Dejected. Utterly confused and even angry.

Why? Well, let me tell you what happened. Let's call my friend Sam. Sam told me that the party was at some one's house; in fact, that is the reason he went(he hates gymnasiums.) He knew over 100 people had been invited so he went an hour late in the hopes some of the early bird would find it stupid and leave early so there would be a reasonable number of people there to interact with by the time he got there. First thing he told me was that there was dancing. I could not believe it. Do Mormons know how to do ANYTHING but dancing at an activity? I could not believe it. I know, I said that all ready, but I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!!! Anyway, Sam said it was a live band too and they were loud and not very good. I can forgive the band for not having talent, but not the activity directors for having DANCING at some one's HOUSE as an ACTIVITY!!!! I CAN NOT BELIE...ok, I'll stop.

Sam found Karaoke downstairs. Wow. This was the entire list of "Fabulous Activities!", "Great Fun!" and he sure wished he had "Brought A Friend." Not because he wanted to share, but so he would not feel so alone. With all that noise going on in your ears, how on earth are you supposed to have a conversation with someone? ESP? You were supposed to bring your own game to this shin-dig, and he had come with one in hand. He was downstairs trying to get two girls to play a game. A simple board game, mind you. And they were not sure they wanted to do that. Let me repeat that: THEY WERE NOT SURE IF THEY WANTED TO PLAY A SIMPLE BOARD GAME!! The music must have been using up too much brainpower, so they had nothing to spare for a simple game. Maybe all that head-bobbing shook things loose and they were not functioning?

Now, the worst part is still to come. After Sam used his usual powers of persuasion, he was eventually getting close to what one might call success in convincing these two girls that a game would actually be some fun to play. (I guess they missed those commercials a few years ago which promoted game nights with your family and how good they were at bringing people together.) When another gentleman, we shall call him George, comes up and starts arguing about the merits of a REAL game and starts talking up the dance upstairs.

Sidebar: Upstairs. One "Hot" guy is up there dancing with like, 7 girls at the same time. I think George, though a "geek", was hoping to be able to hone in on the action and take some for himself. Just a guess.

(Into the present tense.) George is unbelievably successful in convincing these two girls to go upstairs for the dance. George may look smart with those glasses, but he is pretty dumb. Think about it for a minute. 2 Guys. 2 Girls. He has been panting after one of them for an hour, following her like a puppy dog, and he passed up the opportunity to sit down, next to her and play a game that required INTERACTION by design... for dancing. I want to say some pretty bad words right now at his stupidity. I want to bash his head against something hard until sense is knocked back into place and he stops being his own worst enemy. And Sam's.

Why did George do this? Well, my friend thinks it was a "pissing contest" of sorts. Two guys are offering themselves up and the girls have to "choose." I can understand that dynamic of it. But, you guys gotta start to THINK!!! The "hot" guy upstairs was not going to "lose" any pissing contest. Once they went upstairs, the girls left "geeky" George and joined in with the pack all ready dancing with "hotty". That's his name now. Hotty. I wanna go upstairs and dance with him all of a sudden. Bet he's got some number system set up. I'd only have to wait an hour or so.

(Back to past tense.) I wonder, if George knew what happened. I doubt it. He was (is) too plugged into the system, too programmed into doing things a certain way that he did it automatically. I bet George went home very lonely and depressed, just like Sam did. And while Sam understood why, George did not. He just felt worse and will likely feel wors-er the next time he is stupid...and not wiser for it. That's what I said: No wiser for it. Could he be a microcosm for the program itself?

Now, let's go back to the pissing contest? Why? For one thing, George was insecure. He was following this girl and could not get her attention. He butted in on someone else's conversation, which is RUDE! and then dropped the ball. George had (has) no idea how to have fun. George had (has) no idea how to talk to girls. George had (has) no idea what a good time feels like because he had (has) been in the Mormon Middle Singles Program for much too long.

The sad part of this whole thing is that in the end, no one "won." Everyone lost. Sam because he left. He met no one. He lost the time spent at the activity and left feeling worse than when he had gone. Sam regretted going.

George lost because in the end, he lost whatever respect he may have won in winning over Sam, when he lost to Hotty upstairs. (We never forget someone we dump for someone else...and that is a label hard to live down: "Dumped.". George will have an even harder time next time because we just seem to be able to smell "loser.".

Hotty lost because there were too many girls circling around him. (and don't underestimate the truth of this.) He could not focus on just one and talk to her, get to know her. Maybe set up a date. He was only able to be an idol to them, so his idea of who he is and what he is supposed to do in a healthy relationship gets all twisted and misshapen. Inflated ego problems will probably surface if not all ready be showing. How could they not? Then he gets a label of his own.The girls lost. All of them. The men are so busy with their "pissing" contests and the fact that no one is thinking of men as people. The men are sees as wanting only commodities. Hit the girl on the head and drag her off after the battle is won. No matter what she thinks, likes or wants. No matter that she has feelings or wishes. Both sexes are victims of objectification, and both perpetuate it. But you have to wonder, is this less or more apt to happen when the sexes are actually able to speak to each other, as opposed to just dancing all night? I think the answer that this is painfully obvious, even to the casual observer.

Finally, the host lost. They do not even know about the whole thing that happened. They think it was a great party and will probably plan another one "next year." But it was nothing but a big flop. No one met anyone. No one did anything real. No one left uplifted and with more hope than they came with. No one laughed so hard they cried or almost peed their pants. No one left so late that they were sleepy the next day. No one talked about the fun they had, only their disappointments. No one will get married as a direct result of this party. No one will tell their less active friends or non-member friends about it and tell them it was such a good time they really should come to the next one. First, because it was not fun. Second, because it will not be happening again very soon. No one will go home, and while praying, pour out their gratitude to their Father in Heaven because of the wonderful programs we have in our Church and how blessed we are to be a part of them.

I feel like I lost something because of this party too. And I didn't even go.

The World Ends With a Whimper II

This is a continuation of the first "The World Ends With a Whimper" written two days prior.

So, what happens on the grander scale when over-sexualization becomes the mainstay, the norm, the modis for human communication? Well, initially (as was discussed in the previous post) the world gets to be a harsher, more emotionally isolated place to be.

But what next? This is just a guess, but here goes: People end up becoming more prone to falling for government promises to make everything better from "goodwill toward men" to "a chicken in every pot" to "I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony." Great ideas. They are very noble in and of themselves for any and each person to aspire to. But from the government? I mean truly, can the government ever replace the


responsibility for human kindness that is the God-given responsibility of every person on the planet?

But it makes for good campaign speeches by politicians with other motives. And like sheep, so many good and sweet folk flock to the sound of promises of panacea.

Does this seem like anything like what we are witnessing today? I could wax quite political at this point...since it is election season, and the American consciousness seems to be split in two inconsolable halves.

But I won't.


What I will do is ask you, dear reader, a question that I myself cannot yet solidly answer, other than with what I believe to the the simple truth of "No Jesus, no peace. Know Jesus, know peace." What else can we do? What do we do about the fruits of oversexualization have taken hold (anger, apathy, greed, etc...?) What now? Do we simply sit and wait for the Second Coming and raise the white flag, or do we live in a way that strives retain a more pure and innocent corner of the world for others to discover and follow? Do we try to convince our non-member friends of the value of not subscribing to on-line porn or the softer porn of popular culture? Do we eschew the mass anger and cynicism that can be found everywhere (even in ourselves?) Besides us just turning it all off, is there more that we can do? If there is, I am ready to do it.

If You Read Nothing Else on this Blog, Read This, Redux

Yes this is a repeat, but a very important one, we feel. But no other post is. So please read on...and if you have already read this one, just skip this one and go to the next one. :)

In our opinion, there are four different elements to a Singles activity that all Singles need in order for them to meet new potential dates. They are as follows:1) The number of people present need to be few enough for the possibility of good conversation to occur freely and consistently.2) Each activity needs to provide new faces as well as familiar faces. In other words, each person going to the activity needs to be able to meet new people, while also having familiar faces to turn to (i.e. "wing-man," or "wing-woman.") 3) All people at the activity need to have something legitimately fun to do, so that everyone has something to talk about besides the typical small talk so common in the "bar scene."In our mutual experience, we have found that these three elements, along with a good attitude, decide to a great degree whether an activity is a success or a failure. Having said that, we have also come to the conclusion that "Game Nights" at some one's home is the quickest, cheapest way to fulfill all of these squares.
Here is how it is done: First, get a house to use. This can be home of one of the singles in your stake, or the home of a willing married family in your stake.
Second, decide who you are going to invite. In order to insure that new people will be present at each of these Game Nights, it is imperative to constantly invite new people. We have found that the best way to do this is to invite the members of your own stake, and those of one other stake within thirty miles of the party. For the next party after that, invite another stake. This can be trickier than it seems. We are assuming that the creators of the Game Night are not Singles Representatives (after all, they have to get permission from several camps in order to put on such an event.) But as a regular single, YOU


don't. But what you do have to do is get the telephone numbers of the singles in whatever stake you are interested in inviting. (We suggest using the telephone and/or snailmail rather than email in order to keep other non-invited singles from showing up in large numbers.) So encourage those who you contact to not go out and invite everyone they know to the event because you only want less than thirty or so people to come to the Game Night. We repeat, you do not want more than thirty people or so at any Game Night. Any more than that, and it becomes a crowd (just like most other unsuccessful activities we have all been to...too many people milling around a room looking at each other all night usually making forgetful, un-fun smalltalk.)
Third, make it cheap and fun by encouraging the guests to bring food and games. And have a great party. We believe you will. We have seen it over and over in our experience, and it consistently works.
Fourth, do it again every month or two with a different stake each time.
Oh, a few other tips for success at the party. 1) Do not have loud music at the party! This means no karaoke machines. Movies are not recommended either. Both serve


as conversation inhibitors. Remember, people really want to talk to each other and have good conversation more than just about anything else you can provide them. 2) If it is kid-friendly, have a room set up for the kids with games, video games, etc.... 3) Let the party go late, if it wants to. Just make sure that the Spirit does not leave. 4)When you plan the party, try to not have it on the same night that some big Singles event is happening. However, don't feel that you have to have your party only on a night that nothing else is happening in the region. (Remember, YOU are what is happening in the region!) 5) For every ten people, there needs to be a separate game provided in a separate room. This means, that you may have two or three games going on at the same time (one in the living room, one in the dining room, and one in the garage, for instance.) 6) After the party, tell all of your friends about it, along with the template that we are describing here.
So, why do we want you to read this post so much? Because we believe that if the singles of the LDS Church make this the standard format for what an activity is (rather than dances, volleyball, Firesides, etc...) then we all have a chance to get
what we want out of activities (a phone number, a date, a friend, and eventually maybe even a spouse.) We believe the reason why so many do not achieve those things from typical activities is that there is usually little opportunity to HAVE ENOUGH LEGITIMATE FUN with a person to ever feel comfortable enough to ask for that phone number. Think about it. If a person cannot figure out if he/she likes a person enough to have a conversation with them, why would they want to put themselves though an entire evening...and all other anticipations a date


can create in someone. In other words, that is what initial conversations are ALL ABOUT, and always have been for that matter. A conversation is a prelude to more, but only if you want more. But how do you know one way or the other when you are in a room of 100 or more people, with the lights low, and the music blaring? Or how do you do that when every small activity you go to consists of the same people you see at every other activity (sometimes the same people you see at Church on Sunday?)
As a last thought, imagine meeting some of these new acquaintances at a dance or Fireside in the near future. You will likely have much better odds of good conversation beyond "great cookies...and punch!"

"The World Ends With a Whimper"

Have you ever wondered why the Church often alludes to the idea that, throughout history, nations and societies who were highly sexualized tended to decline and, for lack of a better word, implode?
There is good reason for this, in my opinion. Consider this: When a society reaches the point that every kind gesture between the sexes is understood as sexual in nature, then interaction is pared down to either acceptance or rejection on sexual terms. In other words, there is no chance for genuine charity and Christlike love, even if that is all that is being offered. So, when a person does reach out in charity and goodwill, he or she is rejected or accepted on sexual terms only. He or she is completely misunderstood, and the rejection is far deeper than a sexual rejection. In essesnce, it is his or her true goodness that is rejected, their very being and good essence, their soul. And what happens to a person who has had one too many such rejections? Do they get mean, apathetic, cynical, or hateful? All of the above?

The next question is how does a society become over-sexualized? Well, I have only a limited idea about past dispensations, but I do know that when television/Hollywood accentuate and highlight such sexual interaction as being the only legitimate way in which men and women communicate, then we are not onlywell on our way, but waist-deep in a hollow mire. The final result can be predicted.
And that is only the beginning. Here is the next chapter of the story: Men get angry at women, and women, men. Men get angry at those jerkey men who are largely to blame for men's sexual reputation (which all men pay for), and women get angry at women for being, well, bitchey (which all women pay for.) So, we have a pissed off, over-sexualized world which can't easily figure out what has gone wrong. And when charity and legitimate goodwill are gone (Christian or otherwise), what is there left but anger, power, greed, and cynicism?
The prophets have told us to not read, view, or say things that accentuate immorality. (And many of us thought that they were somehow only half-serious. But I assure you, they were not.) Consider the famous Wiemar Republic of 1920's Germany. They were so sexualized that at one point some otherwise forgettable scientist created a "spanking machine" for kids to spank each other with... while a practiioner looked on to "scientifically" record the pleasure experienced by both the spanker and the spankee. As far as the Wiemar Republic, the list went on (although they did make some good art during the time period. )

But there was a particular artist that they found promising enough to make their national leader...mustache, anti-Semitism, and all. Yes, it was Adolf Hitler. And within a generation of the 1920's, Germany was, in many ways, leveled.

So, when people are over sexualized, do they go blind, as the old adage portrays? Or do they go deaf and dumb too? Just something to consider the next time you are on the couch and channel-surfing.

Pollyanna! Come Out And Play!

Contrary to popular opinion, there are great and wonderful things about being single. Let's start with how you get to all ways control the remote. (I mean, this is very important.) Plus, you are completely in charge of all financial decisions; making it, spending it, borrowing it. You can sleep on either side of the bed, roll around, and not bump into anyone else. You get to get up in the morning and no one is bothered by your morning breath. When you are going anywhere, you do not have to put up with people telling you to hurry because you will be late. In fact, if you are late, no one really cares.

When you want something exciting to do, there is the local Singles Program for great and exciting activities. Once a month you can go to the dance provided. Now, this is good stuff. Sometimes you have to drive a bit to get there if you do not live in the “big city” because frankly, not enough people know about this fantastic event, so they are kind of limited on where they have it. (Kind of like they get together at the beginning of the year, set the dates down for the 4th Saturday of the month, alternating between two locations if you are lucky, and it's done. Great planning.) Anyway, once you are there, you get to meet the most special people. The cream of the crop, so to speak.

Oh, I forgot the best part! Compared to your local clubs, this dance is quite the deal at only $3! Get outta here! I mean they play all the good music from the 30's, 40's, 50's and 60's. How can you pass this up? (I heard once that they actually had some music from the 80's once but had to get special permission for it, so, keep praying for it to happen again next spring!)

One of the most special things for me is knowing that I can go with my grandma to these things. Quite the bonding experience for us. Going out, checking out the local meat available, comparing notes and making bids. Okay, my grandma does not go with me, but technically she could. She's single and so am I. We are both over 30, so it works. Right?

I just love the food. No I don't. Not really. I lied there. Sorry.

Next we have the monthly fireside. Now, these are very important so put them on your calendar once you get the email telling you the date and time. I mean, the spiritual messages provided just change my life. And knowing I am in a room full of people who are single like me, hearing this beautiful message, well I just do not feel so alone in the world. And then we get cookies afterwards.
I do not let it bother me that men get to see me eating a bunch of cookies that late at night, right before I go to bed. It's what we do at all of our meetings: eat. (I heard someone mention how Mormons are in general more overweight than the average American, but I think they are just jealous of the truth and light we have and made it all up!)

I love going to the temple with the singles, too. I think it is the only time that the women actually sit on the mens side because so many came. Kind of sad that only 8 guys come in comparison to those 80 women. And afterwards, (at 10 pm again,) a few people go out for more food. But this time they have to pay for it at the restaurant. I have done that a few times. It is hard to have a conversation with anyone because it is noisy, you only sit by a few people, and the ratio of women to men makes me simply find a new girlfriend. But, I have done my temple service and participated in the Singles Program as directed by the leadership, therefore, I go home happy.

I left the best for last: the Singles Conference. It's the best because it only happens once a year and they advertise it for like six months, telling you to “mark your calendar” and remember the dates, etc. These things are set up on a general Friday night, Saturday schedule. The last Friday night I went to, they had games planned, like the ones they tell you to play at reunions. The “get to know you” type. Wow. Bet they find them on the internet. I wish I could think up these things. Then Saturday you have maybe a service project, then classes on how to manage your finances, do family history or how to effectively study the scriptures. Very helpful indeed. Then dinner. Yum. I know you might think Mormons only eat, but I assure you, it is not true. Then maybe something that would fall in line with the fireside theme is provided. All of this is leading up to the greatly anticipated.........DANCE!

Yes, friends and neighbors, they combine the best of both worlds at the conference! Fireside and dancing! Woah. We are truly blessed to be members of this community, let me tell you. And I love how they take the food from the whole day and recycle it into the goodies provided at the dance; very frugal. The best thing about the conference dance is that you are almost guaranteed to have more people show up this time. People are more willing to go to a conference and stay for a dance than they are to just go to a dance. So, you might actually meet someone you have never met before. Hey, stranger things have happened. It is a very spiritual and uplifting experience and I for one am glad to be a part of it.


It kind of rounds out my whole life of being single. I get the remote, the dances, and the bed, all to myself. And if I ever feel lonely, I just go to the fridge and medicate the feeling away.

St. Peter At The Gate

Single Man: "I would like to come into heaven."
St. Peter: "Sorry, sir, you cannot come in."
Single Man: "Uhm. Are you sure?"
St. Peter: "Yes, sir, you cannot come in."
Single Man: "But I did my best."
St. Peter: "Sorry, sir, not good enough."
Single Man: "But I really tried."
St. Peter: "Not really."
Single Man: "What more could I have done? What did I not do?"
St. Peter: "You didn't go to the dances."

1 + 1 = 3

Ever been in a relationship in the Mormon Middle Singles Program? Ever noticed how people cannot seem to leave the two of you alone? Ever noticed how people are giving too much unsolicited advice? Ever noticed how those who do not have anything going on in their life take over yours? Ever noticed how those who have no success at having a relationship tell you how to have yours? Ever noticed how those who are uncomfortable with happiness tend to discourage it? Ever noticed how those who know nothing about you tell you what you want and need? Ever noticed how sometimes you just want to run and hide but there is no where to go because we are such a tight knit community? Ever wondered why that budding relationship failed? Ever thought that it was not you or the other person but the jealous people who ruined it? Ever thought that maybe you should keep your mouth shut when you meet someone and turn to the Lord and let it grow naturally, then tell everyone what you two have decided all on your own with the help of the Spirit? Ever wondered how many relationships might have succeeded into great marriages if they were never gossiped about and discussed like the hottest topics? Ever wondered how many relationships you have destroyed through jealousy yourself? I have. I almost ruined one. Luckily, I stepped back and let it grow. I did not let my own low self-esteem ruin someone elses because that would just make me feel worse. Plus, I'd have to repent of it later.

One plus one does equal three when the third person in a relationship is the Lord. If it is your friend, co-worker, or family member, please take into account their own successes and their own opinions. Are they yours? Do they really know what is in your heart? Do you have the vocabulary and the experience at saying precisely what is in your heart so they will not misconstrue anything? Do you have that ability at telling the other side without prejudice? Or is the Lord the only One who knows both your heart and theirs and also knows the past, present and future and what will truly bring you happiness? I say, let the relationship be less crowded so it is not confusing. When you have so many opinions coming at you, you probably forget what yours is and then you forget the tighness in your gut when you speak to your special someone. You forget the butterflies in your stomache when you answer they phone and hear their voice. You lose the special things that are only between the two of you which create a Oneness required for a solid foundation. Make things more simple and trust the only One who can help you. Take a chance. The spirit will tell you if their is aught amiss and protect you if you believe. I know this to be true.

Give yourself a chance. Stop wasting time. Make your own decisions. Know your own heart. I know it's scary, but so is everything the first time you do it. Good luck. Do not tell me how it goes until you know what you want and only ask for my congratulations.