Monotony X Tedium ÷ Apathy = FUN!

This is a true story told to me by a friend. The names have been changed to protect the stupid.

My friend went to a party recently. Guess what? Right! It was a Middle Singles Program Party. (Keep reading, it gets better.) This party was touted as being a GREAT EVENT! Tons of fun! Come join and bring a friend! Well, you get the picture. (I bet you've listened to the recording before.) So, my friend went to this wonderful event. And came home depressed. Let down. Dejected. Utterly confused and even angry.

Why? Well, let me tell you what happened. Let's call my friend Sam. Sam told me that the party was at some one's house; in fact, that is the reason he went(he hates gymnasiums.) He knew over 100 people had been invited so he went an hour late in the hopes some of the early bird would find it stupid and leave early so there would be a reasonable number of people there to interact with by the time he got there. First thing he told me was that there was dancing. I could not believe it. Do Mormons know how to do ANYTHING but dancing at an activity? I could not believe it. I know, I said that all ready, but I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!!! Anyway, Sam said it was a live band too and they were loud and not very good. I can forgive the band for not having talent, but not the activity directors for having DANCING at some one's HOUSE as an ACTIVITY!!!! I CAN NOT BELIE...ok, I'll stop.

Sam found Karaoke downstairs. Wow. This was the entire list of "Fabulous Activities!", "Great Fun!" and he sure wished he had "Brought A Friend." Not because he wanted to share, but so he would not feel so alone. With all that noise going on in your ears, how on earth are you supposed to have a conversation with someone? ESP? You were supposed to bring your own game to this shin-dig, and he had come with one in hand. He was downstairs trying to get two girls to play a game. A simple board game, mind you. And they were not sure they wanted to do that. Let me repeat that: THEY WERE NOT SURE IF THEY WANTED TO PLAY A SIMPLE BOARD GAME!! The music must have been using up too much brainpower, so they had nothing to spare for a simple game. Maybe all that head-bobbing shook things loose and they were not functioning?

Now, the worst part is still to come. After Sam used his usual powers of persuasion, he was eventually getting close to what one might call success in convincing these two girls that a game would actually be some fun to play. (I guess they missed those commercials a few years ago which promoted game nights with your family and how good they were at bringing people together.) When another gentleman, we shall call him George, comes up and starts arguing about the merits of a REAL game and starts talking up the dance upstairs.

Sidebar: Upstairs. One "Hot" guy is up there dancing with like, 7 girls at the same time. I think George, though a "geek", was hoping to be able to hone in on the action and take some for himself. Just a guess.

(Into the present tense.) George is unbelievably successful in convincing these two girls to go upstairs for the dance. George may look smart with those glasses, but he is pretty dumb. Think about it for a minute. 2 Guys. 2 Girls. He has been panting after one of them for an hour, following her like a puppy dog, and he passed up the opportunity to sit down, next to her and play a game that required INTERACTION by design... for dancing. I want to say some pretty bad words right now at his stupidity. I want to bash his head against something hard until sense is knocked back into place and he stops being his own worst enemy. And Sam's.

Why did George do this? Well, my friend thinks it was a "pissing contest" of sorts. Two guys are offering themselves up and the girls have to "choose." I can understand that dynamic of it. But, you guys gotta start to THINK!!! The "hot" guy upstairs was not going to "lose" any pissing contest. Once they went upstairs, the girls left "geeky" George and joined in with the pack all ready dancing with "hotty". That's his name now. Hotty. I wanna go upstairs and dance with him all of a sudden. Bet he's got some number system set up. I'd only have to wait an hour or so.

(Back to past tense.) I wonder, if George knew what happened. I doubt it. He was (is) too plugged into the system, too programmed into doing things a certain way that he did it automatically. I bet George went home very lonely and depressed, just like Sam did. And while Sam understood why, George did not. He just felt worse and will likely feel wors-er the next time he is stupid...and not wiser for it. That's what I said: No wiser for it. Could he be a microcosm for the program itself?

Now, let's go back to the pissing contest? Why? For one thing, George was insecure. He was following this girl and could not get her attention. He butted in on someone else's conversation, which is RUDE! and then dropped the ball. George had (has) no idea how to have fun. George had (has) no idea how to talk to girls. George had (has) no idea what a good time feels like because he had (has) been in the Mormon Middle Singles Program for much too long.

The sad part of this whole thing is that in the end, no one "won." Everyone lost. Sam because he left. He met no one. He lost the time spent at the activity and left feeling worse than when he had gone. Sam regretted going.

George lost because in the end, he lost whatever respect he may have won in winning over Sam, when he lost to Hotty upstairs. (We never forget someone we dump for someone else...and that is a label hard to live down: "Dumped.". George will have an even harder time next time because we just seem to be able to smell "loser.".

Hotty lost because there were too many girls circling around him. (and don't underestimate the truth of this.) He could not focus on just one and talk to her, get to know her. Maybe set up a date. He was only able to be an idol to them, so his idea of who he is and what he is supposed to do in a healthy relationship gets all twisted and misshapen. Inflated ego problems will probably surface if not all ready be showing. How could they not? Then he gets a label of his own.The girls lost. All of them. The men are so busy with their "pissing" contests and the fact that no one is thinking of men as people. The men are sees as wanting only commodities. Hit the girl on the head and drag her off after the battle is won. No matter what she thinks, likes or wants. No matter that she has feelings or wishes. Both sexes are victims of objectification, and both perpetuate it. But you have to wonder, is this less or more apt to happen when the sexes are actually able to speak to each other, as opposed to just dancing all night? I think the answer that this is painfully obvious, even to the casual observer.

Finally, the host lost. They do not even know about the whole thing that happened. They think it was a great party and will probably plan another one "next year." But it was nothing but a big flop. No one met anyone. No one did anything real. No one left uplifted and with more hope than they came with. No one laughed so hard they cried or almost peed their pants. No one left so late that they were sleepy the next day. No one talked about the fun they had, only their disappointments. No one will get married as a direct result of this party. No one will tell their less active friends or non-member friends about it and tell them it was such a good time they really should come to the next one. First, because it was not fun. Second, because it will not be happening again very soon. No one will go home, and while praying, pour out their gratitude to their Father in Heaven because of the wonderful programs we have in our Church and how blessed we are to be a part of them.

I feel like I lost something because of this party too. And I didn't even go.