I am invisible. I live in shadows. Shadows of the past. Shadows of lost hopes and dreams. Shadows
of the lucky ones. The ones who did something that I did not. The ones who found favor with our Heavenly Father. I live in their shadow. I live under a glass
ceiling. I can see, but I cannot partake of the laughter and joy.
The normalness they take for granted.
Despair is my constant companion. I lose her every once in a while but she always catches up with me. Loneliness is my bedfellow. We talk little...there is little to say. Sorrow is my wound that cannot heal. I know a cure exists, but it is not covered in my insurance plan. Anger is my shield. The energy I use to protect my tender parts. Faith is my sustenance. The stuff I feed off of. Sometimes I go hungry. Tears are my currency. The price I pay for living.
I am a Middle Single Adult in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am a minority. I am alone. I am forgotten it seems. I am active in the church, have a calling and attend the temple when possible. I love the Lord and have a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. Sometimes I do not feel like I am a part of this church.
When you hear of “Singles,” usually it is in reference to the Young Single Adults. I am heartbroken again and again as I feel passed over in importance...to them; my needs and wants a distant second to theirs.
The church advises us to remain spiritual, upbeat and hopeful while filling our lives with good and wholesome things. This is good advice. In fact, it is great advice. So why does it leave me feeling hollow and empty? Maybe it's because I do not just want to know how to deal with my disappointments. Rather, I want to know how to get rid of them! I want to cast off my singleness and try something new for a change. I do not want to master the rules of dating and never go out on one. I do not want to plan evenings for one any longer. I want the opportunity to meet people, have fun, get to know them, and fall in love.
How intimate is a dance with a room full of people and the music so loud you can hardly think. If I laugh, will anyone be enchanted? If I want to be charming, do I have enough time during a three and a half minute song? All I know about the situation is that the problems in the Middle singles Program will be there until they are not.
The first sentence on page 27 of the August Ensign reads, "From time to time, single life makes me feel like a fish in a tank watching the married world go by." I know that feeling. I feel it every day. It is never too late. Not for anyone. But if nothing changes, nothing changes.
Despair is my constant companion. I lose her every once in a while but she always catches up with me. Loneliness is my bedfellow. We talk little...there is little to say. Sorrow is my wound that cannot heal. I know a cure exists, but it is not covered in my insurance plan. Anger is my shield. The energy I use to protect my tender parts. Faith is my sustenance. The stuff I feed off of. Sometimes I go hungry. Tears are my currency. The price I pay for living.
I am a Middle Single Adult in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am a minority. I am alone. I am forgotten it seems. I am active in the church, have a calling and attend the temple when possible. I love the Lord and have a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. Sometimes I do not feel like I am a part of this church.
When you hear of “Singles,” usually it is in reference to the Young Single Adults. I am heartbroken again and again as I feel passed over in importance...to them; my needs and wants a distant second to theirs.
The church advises us to remain spiritual, upbeat and hopeful while filling our lives with good and wholesome things. This is good advice. In fact, it is great advice. So why does it leave me feeling hollow and empty? Maybe it's because I do not just want to know how to deal with my disappointments. Rather, I want to know how to get rid of them! I want to cast off my singleness and try something new for a change. I do not want to master the rules of dating and never go out on one. I do not want to plan evenings for one any longer. I want the opportunity to meet people, have fun, get to know them, and fall in love.
How intimate is a dance with a room full of people and the music so loud you can hardly think. If I laugh, will anyone be enchanted? If I want to be charming, do I have enough time during a three and a half minute song? All I know about the situation is that the problems in the Middle singles Program will be there until they are not.
The first sentence on page 27 of the August Ensign reads, "From time to time, single life makes me feel like a fish in a tank watching the married world go by." I know that feeling. I feel it every day. It is never too late. Not for anyone. But if nothing changes, nothing changes.
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