Tuesday, July 29, 2008

If You Read Nothing Else on This Blog, Read This:

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In our opinion, there are four different elements to a Singles activity that all Singles need in order for them to meet new potential dates. They are as follows:

1) The number of people present need to be few enough for the possibility of good conversation to occur freely and consistently.
2) Each activity needs to provide new faces as well as familiar faces. In other words, each person going to the activity needs to be able to meet new people, while also having familiar faces to turn to (i.e. "wing-man," or "wing-woman.")
3)All people at the activity need to have something legitimately fun to do, so that everyone has something to talk about besides the typical small talk so common in the "bar scene."

In our mutual experience, we have found that these three elements, along with a good attitude, decide to a great degree whether an activity is a success or a failure. Having said that, we have also come to the conclusion that "Game Nights" at some one's home is the quickest, cheapest way to fulfill all of these squares.




Here is how it is done: First, get a house to use. This can be home of one of the singles in your stake, or the home of a willing married family in your stake.

Second, decide who you are going to invite. In order to insure that new people will be present at each of these Game Nights, it is imperative to constantly invite new people. We have found that the best way to do this is to invite the members of your own stake, and those of one other stake within thirty miles of the party. For the next party after that, invite another stake.




This can be trickier than it seems. We are assuming that the creators of the Game Night are not Singles Representatives (after all, they have to get permission from several camps in order to put on such an event.) But as a regular single, YOU don't. But what you do have to do is get the telephone numbers of the singles in whatever stake you are interested in inviting. (We suggest using the telephone and/or snailmail rather than email in order to keep other non-invited singles from showing up in large numbers.) So encourage those who you contact to not go out and invite everyone they know to the event because you only want less than thirty or so people to come to the Game Night. We repeat, you do not want more than thirty people or so at any Game Night. Any more than that, and it becomes a crowd (just like most other unsuccessful activities we have all been to...too many people milling around a room looking at each other all night usually making forgetful, un-fun smalltalk.)

Third, make it cheap and fun by encouraging the guests to bring food and games. And have a great party. We believe you will. We have seen it over and over in our experience, and it consistently works.

Fourth, do it again every month or two with a different stake each time.

Oh, a few other tips for success at the party. 1) Do not have loud music at the party! This means no karaoke machines. Movies are not recommended either. Both serve as conversation inhibitors. Remember, people really want to talk to each other and have good conversation more than just about anything else you can provide them. 2) If it is kid-friendly, have a room set up for the kids with games, video games, etc.... 3) Let the party go late, if it wants to. Just make sure that the Spirit does not leave. 4)When you plan the party, try to not have it on the same night that some big Singles event is happening. However, don't feel that you have to have your party only on a night that nothing else is happening in the region. (Remember, YOU are what is happening in the region!) 5) For every ten people, there needs to be a separate game provided in a separate room. This means, that you may have two or three games going on at the same time (one in the living room, one in the dining room, and one in the garage, for instance.) 6) After the party, tell all of your friends about it, along with the template that we are describing here.

So, why do we want you to read this post so much? Because we believe that if the singles of the LDS Church make this the standard format for what an activity is (rather than dances, volleyball, Firesides, etc...) then we all have a chance to get what we want out of activities (a phone number, a date, a friend, and eventually maybe even a spouse.)



We believe the reason why so many do not achieve those things from typical activities is that there is usually little opportunity to HAVE ENOUGH LEGITIMATE FUN with a person to ever feel comfortable enough to ask for that phone number. Think about it. If a person cannot figure out if he/she likes a person enough to have a conversation with them, why would they want to put themselves though an entire evening...and all other anticipations a date can create in someone. In other words, that is what initial conversations are ALL ABOUT, and always have been for that matter. A conversation is a prelude to more, but only if you want more. But how do you know one way or the other when you are in a room of 100 or more people, with the lights low, and the music blaring? Or how do you do that when every small activity you go to consists of the same people you see at every other activity (sometimes the same people you see at Church on Sunday?)

As a last thought, imagine meeting some of these new acquaintances at a dance or Fireside in the near future. You will likely have much better odds of good conversation beyond "great cookies...and punch!"

May the force be with you, always.









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